Thank God it’s Over –

I’ve been having awesome nightmares recently. Awesome because, upon awakening, the words flashing before me have been Lesson Learned.

As a nostalgic sort, I have been known to wallow in thoughts of past good times. Unfortunately, such wallowing has led to hankering for the past, regretting the loss of it, even, at times, cursing myself for having ruined it or somehow messed it up  — a horrible condition in which to live, and not just for myself.

But in these dreams, lately, the miraculous has happened: I have been reunited with people from the past, those people I’ve been fretting about, regretting and worrying over. And each time, in these reunions, the person has acted — watch this —  exactly the way they did before — at some point in my relationship with them  — namely I guess, the point at which I chose to leave them.

So the lesson has been that they are just the same as they ever were, that all the good I remember may indeed still be there but so is the bad.  So you know, the brain has run the relationship loop for me, and I have woken up thinking, hey, well, thank God that’s over.

This morning’s dream involved a boat, a faulty turnaround, many warnings and a person who, to quote Bowie, went “off his head and hit some tiny children.”

Lesson learned in this one:  I am not the only one at risk.

 

 

 

About louisewleonard

Author of 52 Men, 2015. Excerpts in The Rumpus, Tin House, Fiction Advocate and Gargoyle.
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