I had a boyfriend like this once. We almost married, but he always countered his loving remarks with not so loving ones. For example, he told me once, repeatedly, that he wished I would die. Which I just could not get over. A brother of mine remarked that people say things they don’t mean when they are angry. But I guess what’s important is whether or not the person later regrets saying those negative things — or doing certain things — and says they are are sorry. My bf was not sorry about the things that bothered me, and told me so. I regretted leaving him. It was one of the most painful things I have had to do. But I didn’t feel I had a choice.
At any rate, in the latest podcast, writer Siel Ju addresses this in a slightly more subtle way, a way that I think most of us must have have experienced in our lifetimes. In her case, she says, her lover seems to be two different people – so she struggles with knowing which is the real person, and whether she should stay or go?
Here it is: “Acceptance,” with a little advice from me on how to tell whether someone is a “keeper” or not…
Siel is also the author of Cake Time, a novel in stories that will be out from Red Hen Press in April 2017, and two poetry chapbooks. Her stories and poems appear in ZYZZYVA, The Missouri Review (Poem of the Week), The Los Angeles Review, Denver Quarterly, and other places. She gives away a book every month at sielju.com.